For how long have you been working to get your ex back without seeing any real results? Lots of people in your shoes are surprised to learn that it isn’t what you aren’t doing that’s holding you back. It’s the things you are doing, that are working against you. Here are a few common roadblocks that could be derailing your trip back to relationship bliss.
You are Proud as being there for Your Ex
It’s a noble idea. Really it is. However, if you’re there for a friendly ear, a comforting shoulder, or a fast perk-me-up whenever your ex needs it from you, your ex isn’t really missing out on the benefits of being in a relationship with you. It’s getting all the added benefit of a loving relationship without investing the work to keep things going. Instead, you’re most likely to have to let your ex take care of the stings life delivers sometimes without the solace of your comforting presence.
You Keep Trying
I know this one breaks everything in your heart (and to some extent your head) is screaming at your at the moment. However, in times of crisis, the reason isn’t even in charge of your head either. Reason rarely rules the heart. Why should a time of emotional distress be any different? One person can’t accomplish it all in the relationship.
Pat Benatar had it right when she sang, “Love is a Battlefield.” Love is war and the winners, in love, have a plan. The tactical advantage most likely to the one who retreats assesses the situation impartially and plans a strategic assault with victory in mind. You had better believe love is war. And you have to take a little time to assess your current position, the hostility of the terrain, and the most effective path to victory before you go in with guns (or in this case Cupid’s arrows) blazing.
You Attack from a Position of Weakness
Fans of NCIS know that team leader Gibbs is always telling his team not to apologize. According to Gibbs, apologizing is a sign of weakness. While that’s a philosophical debate for the most part, when you’re attempting to save your relationship or get your ex back, it is often viewed, the leaving party, as a sign of weakness. You don’t want to make your move from an inferior position. Instead, lead with your strengths.
Show your power. Establish your dominance. Come in swinging from a position of strength and don’t ever let your ex see you sweat. There’s nothing sexier, to members of the opposite sex than confidence. Be confident in yourself, your contribution to the relationship, and that it’s just not the time for this relationship to end.
Most of all else, don’t make a move until you know what you’re going to do next. Have a contingency plan in position for a favorable outcome in addition to a less-than-favorable outcome so that you don’t come across as desperate if you don’t win this round. Your mind needs to remain focused on the long-term prize of getting your ex back and every plan needs to ultimately lead you down that happy road.