Wise people say that the definition of insanity is to do the same thing again and again while expecting different results. A lot of people, in the aftermath of an unexpected and/or unwanted breakup, end up falling into patterns of insanity while trying to get their exes back.
It’s quite common.
Your heart is screaming so loud that it drowns out the many things your brain is trying to tell you. The the main thing your heart knows for sure is that it wishes to stop HURTING.
It knows that the breakup is the source of the pain and it intends to fix it. NOW! The thing is, your heart says crazy things, for example: apologize, beg, and bargain. These are the things that will do much more to harm your cause than to see it through.
Rather than repeating all the things that aren’t working, let’s try a different tactic this moment around. Let’s choose different results. Here’s what you need to do instead.
Agree with Your Ex
Want to stop an argument dead in its tracks? Agree with the arguer. First of all, it’s a shocking experience. There have probably been often times throughout your relationship together that you’ve continued an argument you ‘d known you were losing just because you weren’t ready to admit defeat. We’ve all done it.
Stopping the argument is one thing. It’s a grudging acceptance, but one your ex can mentally process. However, AGREEING with your ex is a new tactic that will leave your ex reeling.
More importantly, it will leave your ex thinking of you in an intrigued and perplexed way. Your ex thinks he or she already knows what’s following. Agreeing throws them off balance and reveals that you do, in fact, still have a few tricks up your sleeve.
Stop Trying so Hard
I’m not advocating throwing in the towel. I’m not even telling you that you shouldn’t try to get your ex back. I’m telling you to quit working so HARD. You should work SMARTER; not harder. The direct approach isn’t most likely to work in the days and short weeks following your breakup. You’re going to need to do your best work behind the scenes if you really want to get your ex’s attention.
Begin with what you know about your ex. How did you win his or her heart in the first place? What is it about you that your ex has claimed to love probably the most? Identify that. Understand it and save it for later.
Next, you need to identify where the problems started. Was there a specific event, argument, or misunderstanding that began a downward spiral for your relationship? What could you do now that would tip the scales once more in your favor? Now is the time for thinking and not the length of time for action.
Do you need help developing the exact strategy or working out the timing of putting your plan into motion? More importantly, do you have a plan for what follows? Once you get your ex back, you should know what it’s going to require to keep your relationship on a more even path down the road. Allow me to help you with that said and so much more.